I have thought about this blog for a long time. I have read other blogs and they seem to be done by professional writters. I am not a professional writer. I hope my grammer skills will even come close to being up to par. This weakness in writing has kept me from moving forward. Then one day while listening to the radio I heard some trivial information about how if you want to become proficient at something you need to practice at that something for three or more hours a day. Now I know why I am not a proficient writer-- I have not practiced enough. So maybe by doing this blog I will become proficient.
I have allowed myself to wander, I was going to tell you why I wanted to start a blog. I am 50 years old and I have just finished my first year at college (Weber State University). I have not attended a University previously. I am writing this to tell others that if I can do it so can they.
Here is a little of my history:
There was a long series of bad events that took place early in my life, that according to the psychology class I just completed, left me with learned helplessness. One happened when I was in sixth grade when some kids were taunting me on a school bus. They challenged a girl who was sitting one seat behind me to pull my hair. She did. I was bigger than she was, I could have I beaten her up, I just sat there paralyzed in time and space. The other children on the bus screamed for her to pull my hair harder. She did. I still just sat there. By the time we reached her bus stop I had blood dripping down the front of my face from having the hair pulled out of my head. I believe this is a very classical case of learned helplessness. It has taken me many years to work through the problems created by this helplessness, one of which was the fact that every time I set foot on the campus of Weber State, with the thoughts of going to school there, I would have a panic attack. This fear has taken me 30 years to over come.
My first semester was very hard. I had to talk my self through every day "I can do this, I am equal to this." I made it through my first year. Wow, what an accomplishment for me! In some ways I would like to celebrate what I have accomplished. But more than that I would like to celebrate with others, if in some way I can help someone else to accomplish a goal, I would be honored by the priveledge.
I heard once that one in four women have been sexually abused. I write for them.
If I can go to school at my age and with the things that I have had to overcome, any one can. I would like to encourage anyone to work to improve their life. My goal with this blog is to write about the things that I am learning and to encourage others to learn.
The reason that I have titled the blog I'm not dead yet is because I feel like my life is begining over again, until I am dead I plan on seeing how much more I can do and learn.
